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MENTOR OR TORMENTOR

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 Facebook has a feature which I noticed recently; it shows you throwback pictures of what you posted years back. Sometimes you can see a suggestion to share or re post a picture you took three years back. One of such pictures provoked these thoughts in me and I decided to put pen to paper.

My throw back on Facebook was one of my dear Protegees, my dearly beloved “Daughter in the Lord’’. Such a close bond we shared, such a beautiful relationship we “had”. Then she moved on, changed location but I could sense it was beyond the change in location. She seemed to have out grown our relationship. I tried so hard as I could not come to terms with the fact that she was just not responsive to calls and other effort to keep in touch.

At first it was disturbing to me and I “feared’’ that maybe she had fallen out of faith and did not want to respond to “Mama Pastor’’ but on a closer watch, I could see the sincerity in her person. Then it dawned on me – my protegee has outgrown our relationship, she has moved on. She had to gently but firmly make her stand known, not in strife but in silence, making me know she was okay but that she was in a new reality, and she had to evolve.

Mentor /Protegee relationship is one that is very important especially for the Protegee.

  • A mentor gives you handles so you can climb faster than you would have done on your own.
  • A mentor gives you a lift and helps you to achieve faster than others who do not have the privilege of tutelage.
  • A mentor shows you the right path and points out the pitfalls on your journey to success.

These and many more make a Protegee attached to his/her Mentor. But it must be said that this relationship as sweet and beneficial as it is does have a flip side.

Protegees can fall into error if they begin to go beyond respect and honor to idolize their Mentors because God hates idolatry.

Mentors can be displaced by God himself if he/she resorts to taking the GLORY which always belongs to GOD.

However the issue that struck me as a Mentor is that one should learn to LET PEOPLE go without having a feeling of “ENTITLEMENT” over their lives. Many are in strife today because they feel pained, cheated and angry that someone left their ministry or their tutelage. While people should not be rude or unbecoming in the manner they disengage, we must realize that “NO ONE OWNS ANYONE”. If God has used you to bring up someone do not feel bad, curse, or threaten if the person decides to move on. As a matter of fact you should announce and encourage these whom God has called to step out and let them know you will genuinely release and support them and make good your word.

When a Mentor makes a Protegee feel that he/she owes him for life, then you become a Tormentor rather than a Mentor. Let people go and love them genuinely even if they do not come back to you. It is God that will reward you for your labor of love over His sheep in His kingdom.

Do not curse those who leave your ministry, tutelage or organization. Leave an open door, they may likely come back just to appreciate you and not necessarily coming back to be mentored by you again. Realize the sordid truth, the young shall grow and people sometimes outgrow relationships and are at a loss as to how to handle it.

As a Protegee, if you leave your mentor for any reason, do not bite the hand that fed you. Uphold the person in respect and do not speak evil about the person especially if it is uncalled for. Do not try to justify your exit by bringing down your Mentor, except there was an issue which you should carefully work out prayerfully with a lot of tact and wisdom.

Appreciate your mentor whenever you can without feeling guilty for leaving if God has so ordered your steps.

Shalom

Busola Jegede

 

 

 

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