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THE PASTOR/MINISTER’S WIFE (A must read for Pastors and their wives)



Women have a tremendous role to play in supporting the careers of their husbands. This is a very visible role that can be seen in most countries of the world; with every President, there is a First lady who is usually instantly in the limelight as soon as her husband assumes office.

The main discourse here is that of the Pastor/Minister’s Wife. Specifically, the focus is on how the Pastor or Minister relates to his wife privately and publicly. Some women who find themselves in this role probably did not or were not prepared for the demands of being a mother to many; a counsellor and a role model. Whilst many women have been thoroughly prepared for this role over time due to their spiritual maturity and training they received over the years, it is very important for the minister to take time to prepare his wife for the demands of the capacity that is required of her.

Usually, the demands of ministry are so enormous and the minister is so engrossed that he may unknowingly neglect being a husband and a father. The role of the Pastor or Minister’s Wife is an extremely important one. She is expected to be a supporter of her husband’s vision, she is to be his personal intercessor, a role model to the women and youths, a counsellor and an encourager. A minister’s wife is not to be noted just for POWER DRESSING. Though she should look nice, she should be a SPIRIT FILLED WOMAN. She must of necessity show the people care, visit them and attend to the needs of the church members as a major support of her husband’s ministry. Yet she must be a keeper at home, keeping the home front, attending to the children whilst her husband is busy in ministry. Yes, a woman is expected to be a supporter, intercessor, builder of the home and all you can think of but many Pastors/Ministers need to take the issue of nurturing their wives seriously so they can have their full support.

A Pastor/Minister must bring up his wife spiritually and teach her so she can be an asset to the ministry that he is building. If the Pastor or Minister is so vast in knowledge or deeply spiritual and the wife is a spiritual babe, it will create a lot of tension. If there is a spiritual disconnect, there is bound to be friction and there may be a need to bring in someone to assume the role of leadership especially for the women in the church.

It is also important for the Pastor/Minister to manage his relationship with female leaders or members of his church who are more spiritually mature than his wife. He must affirm his wife so that she does not feel insecure and help her develop confidence, otherwise she may be spiritually bullied or intimidated by some of these women who may go out of line.

The Pastor/Minister’s wife must of a necessity be respectful to people, older and younger than she is. She should believe in herself and not feel inferior or insecure. It is important that she does not misuse her privileged position or deal harshly with people.

If a Pastor/Minister is finding it difficult to teach his wife personally due to any reason(s), then he should prayerfully seek out a Female spiritual mentor and attach his wife to her. Titus 2:3-5, says “let the older women teach the younger ones”.

Another issue that Pastors or Ministers should bear in mind is the need to deal with their wives with patience just like they deal with their congregation. Do not be impatient with your wife, do not be uncaring towards your wife or show other women that you have a low opinion of your wife. Women are extremely territorial and any signal you give negatively about your wife will be used against her by other women in the church. Avoid making condescending statements about your wife while preaching. You must guard against careless statements about your wife, as people can read between the lines.

Once, a Pastor came to report his wife to me because she attended our Interdenominational Fellowship. He complained that she was not supportive of his call to start a church and that he is convinced that she probably is not born again in the first place. The picture he painted to me portrayed the woman as the devil, frustrating and limiting his call to ministry. So, I got the wife’s phone number and called her to see me because I did not know her personally due to the large number of women in our fellowship. When she came to see me I could see she was about 8 months pregnant, she looked gaunt, malnourished and unkempt.

When I inquired from her why she was not supporting her husband, she broke down and I could see that this woman was weary physically and emotionally. She narrated how they had tried to start ministry (church) once or twice before but it failed; the family had no income, she had a baby less than two years ago and the hospital bill had not been fully paid and here she was with another baby due and not one diaper had been bought in readiness for the baby’s arrival. Worse still, she did not know which hospital she would deliver in as she had not been registered anywhere yet.

So with all these ongoing, her husband would call her to lead praise and worship in the church he just started in their sitting room. She said sometimes she would be too tired and would refuse to come out of the bedroom while the “service” was going on.

Now how do you reconcile this?; a Pastor burning with zeal and vision yet very poor in managing his family. I had to call the Pastor back and counsel him and my specific words were, “Pastor, you are an Elijah or even John the Baptist but these men never got married. How can you expect a pregnant woman to fast and believe God for miraculous provision towards the delivery of her baby, considering that she’s 8 months pregnant. Her faith cannot carry the burden on her body, Sir”.

When I asked him about his plans for the baby he said, “ I am believing God for divine intervention”.

Clearly, this man did not think he should have made alternative arrangements to provide both antenatal and maternal care. He was expecting Manna from heaven, when he should have made definite moves to provide for his family: Faith without works is dead, James 2:14.

Though this may not be the case in your situation if you are a Pastor, you should deal with your wife as the Word of God says in 1 Peter 3:7. Honour her and make it a public honour, not just private.

If on the flipside, you are married to a woman who is demanding or likes to usurp authority, deeply intercede for her and counsel her or attach her to a Female spiritual mentor.

To the Pastor/Minister’s wife, who may be getting negative feedback concerning her character or personality, avoid the trap of being defensive or thinking no one has your back. Genuinely seek the help of the Holy Spirit to reveal to you your attitudinal weaknesses and challenges. Pray for grace to overcome them, make sincere moves to improve yourself, get rid of excesses in your life and walk in love.

To the Pastor/Minister’s wife out there, may God grace you to do all He has purposed for you to do and may your husband’s heart safely trust in you in Jesus name.

For every Pastor/Minister, remember that you are the Spiritual cover and Mentor for the whole Sheep under your care, including your wife. So, be patient, loving and intentionally protective of her. As you bring this honour on her, your marriage is protected and she will defend and support your vision.



Busola Jegede

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